I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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