i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
