Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
