I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
