conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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