I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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