I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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