i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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