fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
