I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize