you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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