How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize