I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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