I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i black out too much to be "responsible"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
