I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
