he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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