They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
