I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
