Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
