Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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