Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
