I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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