If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
