look no pants
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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