I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
