Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
