dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
