my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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