idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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