you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
