You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize