I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
