I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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