I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize