i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
