I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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