How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
