lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
