Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
