i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
