That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
