The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
