Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
