All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
