I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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