I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
