Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
