I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
