I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
