All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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