Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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