So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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