I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
