why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
