Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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