Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
