my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
