I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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