Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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