so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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