No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
