i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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