I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
