I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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