I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She said her name was "party"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
