i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize