his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
